Looking Through Fresh Eyes

WebAdmin • July 10, 2012
Eye Examination Machine — Portsmouth, NH — Lager Susan R

My husband Thom, and I had a great time yesterday “dubbing around” our house and land, fixing things, spiffing things up, and creating more order and beauty. It was very satisfying to get so many little projects completed! We then had such a feeling of accomplishment, that the next day we rewarded ourselves by boating on our favorite lake all day – just doing nothing.


The thing that sparked the frenzy of activity the first day was the act of looking through fresh eyes at our surroundings. I’ll often get great ideas watching HGTV, seeing all the different ways people arrange their homes and yards, especially as they proceed with remodeling or moving. The last few shows made me aware of the beauty and simplicity of hardwood floors, and how we’ve hidden ours with area rugs. So, looking through fresh eyes, I could see more open, spacious rooms without the carpets. Out went the carpets, and (excuse the pun), but we’re both floored by the difference! Sometimes things get stale and we don’t even notice it.


Why am I talking about carpets and floors? Because if you do the same thing with all your key relationships, and look at them through fresh eyes, you’re likely to see some things differently. You may notice how much reciprocity there really is; how much, and in what ways affection and respect are manifested. With a spouse, take a new look at how much intimacy you’re really creating, or how old, worn out agreements may still be operating. With parents, notice how the boundaries are honored. Think of this as a kind of refreshing of these connections. Ask yourself what a reasonable outsider might see, where there’s room for change, and how you too, looking through fresh eyes, might be able to reshape your relationships.


Cheers,

Susan Lager


P.S. For articles filled with insights about how to transform your relationships, go to the “Products” page of this website.

Couple embraces at the beach, heads touching. Ocean in background, overcast sky.

How Newlyweds Can Build a Life Together That Actually Feels Good

November 19, 2025
The early days of marriage feel like a mixture of comfort, discovery, tiny surprises, and the occasional “Wait, you do it like that?” moment. Building a shared life is not about creating a perfect routine. It is about shaping a partnership where both people feel supported, understood, and genuinely excited for what comes next. The Nitty Gritty Create shared habits, stay curious about each other, talk about money openly, combine dreams with practical planning, and keep joy in the mix. This is your roadmap to a solid relationship.  FAQ

How to Prevent Anxiety Attacks Before They Start

October 24, 2025
Anxiety attacks rarely ask permission. They sneak in when the calendar is packed, when your phone won’t stop buzzing, or when even the people you love most can’t seem to help you calm down. If you're in a relationship, anxiety can feel doubly complicated — you’re managing your own emotional regulation while trying not to transfer that stress onto your partner. It’s a tightrope walk. The good news? You can build a daily structure that lowers your baseline anxiety and prevents full-blown panic from creeping in. Below are grounded, real-world techniques that help intercept anxiety before it spirals.
Bride and groom embrace outdoors, smiling. She wears a white lace dress; he wears a black suit.

How to Juggle a Wedding, a Move, and a Mortgage Without Losing Your Mind

October 1, 2025
Planning a wedding is a full-time job. So is buying a home. Now imagine doing both at once — while also preparing to move, host family, and not lose your relationship in the process. For many couples, these life events collide within the same six to nine months, each demanding time, money, and emotional bandwidth. But chaos doesn’t have to be the default. With a bit of pre-alignment and some sharp trade-off thinking, you can move through all three transitions without burning out or breaking the bank.
Man and woman high-fiving, in a brightly lit living room.

Two-Person Toolkit: Unconventional Ways Couples Can Lift Their Mental Health

September 16, 2025
You want to feel better together, not just “less stressed” in parallel. Aim for small, shared practices that nudge your bodies toward calm and your bond toward steadier connection. Treat each experiment as playful, not perfect, so you’ll both return to it next week. Keep the stakes low, the sessions short, and the feedback kind. Write down what helped and what didn’t so future you can copy the wins without overthinking. The point isn’t to become experts; it’s to build a few rituals that make hard weeks gentler and good weeks richer.

Study Tips and Strategies for Students With ADHD

September 2, 2025
If you’re a college student with ADHD, you should feel proud of your accomplishments. However, if you have ADHD, meeting your academic goals can be challenging. Managing your ADHD and achieving academic success is a result of persistence and hard work. Thankfully, there are many tools and strategies to ensure a successful college experience. Everything from time management and memory improvement to mindset changes and accessibility aids on campus can boost your study skills and help you meet your goals.
Free Couple sitting on bench embracing scenic mountain view, embodying romantic nature escape. Stock

How Couples Can Strengthen Their Relationship to Truly Thrive

August 28, 2025
Photo via Pexels

Burned-Out Wives, Unbothered Husbands: The New Postpartum Crisis

By By Modupe Ayobami • July 16, 2025
I had just put to bed and joined a postpartum mom group on WhatsApp where new moms discussed everything about their journey as first-time, second-time, and many-time moms. They shared their joys, struggles, and pains, especially their pains. One of those pain-filled stories came from a second-time mom who had just birthed twins a few weeks ago.

Why Women Are Secretly Hiding Their Wealth from Their Husbands by Modupe Ayobami

July 8, 2025
Modupe Grace Ayobami is a passionate writer, relationship thinker, and storyteller who explores the intricacies of love, marriage, and human connection from a place of honesty and healing. She writes to challenge toxic norms, champion emotional intelligence, and inspire people to choose themselves boldly before choosing a partner. Her work is rooted in deep empathy, biblical insight, and a desire to see healthier relationships thrive across cultures.

Surprises

By Susan Lager • March 31, 2024
This past month has been a whirlwind of initially trauma, then a series of sweet surprises and blessings. Following a serious car accident I've watched my body heal in unimaginable ways, consistent with the assurances of my doctors and nurses. I've learned about resilience, my own, but also other peoples'. My single sister came up to Maine to provide "nursemaid" services for two weeks, and graciously attended to me day and night. Her patience, diligence and compassion even surprised herself. My husband, who is limited physically, has done the same, also hauling my wheelchair in and out of the car, patiently fetching tons of thing I can't reach, and even walking Luca, our naughty dog, in the local park. This is all after "remodeling" our downstairs floor to be wheelchair-friendly, with all the supplies I need accessible - no easy feat! Our son and daughter-in-law have provided fabulous meals, visits, help with buying a new car, and new phones and watches so we can be more accessible. Our two granddaughters have visited and been loving, tender and attentive, surprisingly, at ages three and six! My other sister has provided funding for unlimited takeout meals, as her physical limitations prevent a late Winter visit up to Maine. Friends have provided dog walking, solicitous calls, and car trips to doctors while I'm unable to drive, with a broken right leg. Neighbors have provided the biggest surprises of all: multiple dog walks, pots of soup, ongoing offers of help, and continued concern about my status. I've been blown away by the compassion and generosity around me! These are people I would not previously have defined as "friends", but they sure will be, moving forward! Clients who previously insisted on live sessions, have been flexible and gracious in doing telehealth instead. One couple I've worked with for awhile sent me the largest, most beautiful bouquet of flowers I've ever seen in my life. I've also surprised myself with my resilience, mostly good cheer, adherence to the "Rules of Slow," and allowing others to help me, even asking for help when they can't read my mind. This has been virgin territory for me. So what's the lesson (besides trying to avoid avoidable car accidents)?: - Try not to shortchange either yourself or others with low expectations - see the possibilities. See the good in people. - Cultivate yourself as a Surpriser to others, particularly when they need it. Nurture community. Avoid self absorption. - Learn from adversity and grow. - Don't watch too much news, especially the traumatic stuff! It can distort your experience of life.... - Embrace the surprises that come your way, and let yourself feel deserving.