Why Women Are Secretly Hiding Their Wealth from Their Husbands by Modupe Ayobami
Infidelity and abuse often top the list of reasons marriages fall apart. But there’s another, quieter force shaking homes apart: money, or more precisely, shifting financial power.
In most traditional households, especially across Africa and other patriarchal societies, men are the breadwinners. Women may contribute small amounts or depend entirely on their husbands. But what happens when that dynamic flips? When a woman earns more than her husband? It’s more common than we admit, and more destructive than most couples anticipate.
When She Starts Earning More
Let’s paint a familiar picture: a woman gets married, her husband provides for the home, and she either runs a small business or is unemployed. A few years later, she lands a job, or scales her business, and starts earning five times more than her husband.
If the roles were reversed and the husband’s income increased dramatically, it would be a celebration. Small parties might be thrown. He’d support not just his immediate family but his in-laws, extended relatives, and even friends. He’d invest, upgrade their home, sponsor people, and still have enough left over to spoil his wife and children.
But when the woman’s income increases?
Research shows a different story.
A 2019 University of Bath study found that couples are most stable when the man earns more. When women become the main earners, men report feeling emasculated and anxious. Their sense of masculinity, often tied to their ability to provide, begins to crack.
The U.S. Census Bureau reported that women outearning their husbands has increased significantly over the past decades, yet marriages where this happens face a 33% higher risk of divorce (source: Pew Research).
Socially, the expectations don’t shift. Many women still believe their husband should finance the home, provide for the kids, and give them a monthly allowance, even when their income far exceeds his.
In contrast, when the man earns more, women aren’t expected to cover any household expenses. In fact, some even expect an increase in their allowance.
The Unspoken Resentment
A viral comment by a Nigerian woman on X (formerly Twitter) summed it up: “The day I told my husband I got promoted, he said 'congrats' and walked away. No excitement, no prayer, no celebration. Weeks later, he stopped paying the kids’ school fees.”
Many women report:
● Being told to start sending their salary to their husbands
● Their husbands withdrawing financial support completely
● Sex life deteriorating, sometimes stopping entirely
● Their husbands accusing them of being proud, rude, or unsubmissive
And still, these women continue cooking, cleaning, caring for the children, and now footing the bills. It's an emotional and financial double burden.
Some men seek validation elsewhere. They start relationships with women who earn less, because it allows them to feel needed again. A 2021 study by the American Sociological Association found that men in relationships where their female partner earns more are more likely to cheat.
Why This Dynamic Exists
Society and religion have long linked manhood with provision. In some cultures, a man’s wealth is judged by how well his wife and children look. When the wife starts outperforming him, he feels his social standing slipping.
Biblical patriarchs like Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob were providers. While the Bible doesn't demonise successful women, cultural interpretation often does. A woman earning more is seen not as a blessing, but as a threat to the man’s authority.
Because of this, many women intentionally shrink. They:
● Avoid scaling their businesses
● Hide income in secret accounts
● Invest in properties unknown to their husbands
Some, like one anonymous woman confessed, “I’d rather keep earning N200k and have peace in my marriage than earn N2 million and lose it all.”
The Solution Isn’t More Secrecy
The solution is reorientation.
1. Marriage must be seen as a team sport. Whoever earns more should not feel guilty, and the lower-earning partner should not feel inferior. The benefits of higher income must serve the family, not divide it.
2. Shared responsibilities: If the wife now pays the rent, the husband should help with cooking, childcare, or chores. Money shouldn’t be the only contribution measured.
3. Cultural rewiring: Phrases like “a man must provide” or “a woman’s money is her own” must be retired. We must teach sons and daughters to value partnership, not power plays.
4. Celebrate each other’s wins: Whether it’s the man or woman getting promoted, celebration should be equal. As Davido once sang, “Love is sweet o… but when money enter, love is sweeter.” That applies to both sides.
A woman earning more should not be a marital death sentence. Her success should not be her shame. Her growth should not make her husband smaller.
Marriage math is simple: 1 + 1 = 1. And if one part of that one grows, the whole should rise with it.
If we can reframe how we see financial power in marriage, we can stop turning love into competition, and start turning it into collaboration.
More images available on request
Modupe Ayobami writes on relationships, marriage, family psychology, and the intersection of culture and religion.
